PeaceJam | I'm Engaged!

I'm Engaged!

Posted 10/14/2009 at 10:36 AM by Theresa K

I wanted to tell my PeaceJam fellows that I am planning on getting married Christmas break 2010-11. I am going to tell my family soon but I wanted you guys to be the first to know! I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 8 years now. He is my first boyfriend/ first kiss and we have been together since I was 15. It doesn't seem like long though and I am more in love with him all the time. I can't wait to start a new life with him and move out of my parents house!

This is one thing that I think is amazing about relationship: No matter how long you have known a person there is more to learn about them. Each person is a mystery to be explored and they can never be fully comprehended. The people I have known longest and have talked to seriously are the ones I find most interesting because I know more about the quirks of their personality and the complications of their character.

So for you married people, give me some advice on putting together a successful wedding and on working married life. I can use all the help I can get, especially from people who give so much of themselves to a peace organization and also to their family at home.

Also, I want to ask your advice about politics and relationships. The only point of contention I have had in 8 years with my boyfriend is that we don't see eye to eye in politics and economics because I tend to be obsessed with social justice issues and he leans to the conservative side. We have had a couple of heated discussions but usually I avoid the subject with him because I know in this area we conflict somewhat. I know that it would not come between us in a serious way, but I would like to be able to talk to him about politics without raising my voice. Have you had experience with disagreeing about politics with a loved one? How do you talk to that person about these issues? What are some ways we could find common ground?

Thanks for listening and I miss you VISTAs!

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Camila M wrote:
WOW!!! Congratulations Buddy! I'll write a longer response later but for now- that's really exciting.
posted 10/14/2009 at 10:44 AM

Betsy L wrote:
YAY!! Congrats!!!!!
posted 10/14/2009 at 11:00 AM

Carolyn D wrote:
Congratulations! That is super exciting! You asked for advice about how to have a great wedding so I thought I would just post some inspiration: Seriously though, many congratulations!
posted 10/14/2009 at 11:21 AM

Betsy L wrote:
Oh, and you are asking some really great questions. I'll think on it and get back to you.
posted 10/14/2009 at 11:24 AM

Zach W wrote:
CONGRATULATIONS! Thats awesome im super happy for you! I would love to give you advice but ive only ever had one relationship and based on that one i clearly have no idea what im doing. But im sure the rest of our vista family can help you out.
posted 10/14/2009 at 11:37 AM

Ashlee C wrote:
Congrats Theresa! This is so exciting! My first piece of advice about planning a wedding: enjoy every moment of it! Even during stressful times, it goes by so fast and you really cherish all the "wedding stuff" when you look back on it. It sounds like my husband and I were in a similar situation to you guys. We've know each other since I was 17 and he was 20, and we dated for 6 years before we got married. I went to college out in California and it was during that time that I became really passionate about social justice. Since he wasn't experiencing the same things I was (he was in Colorado), and he tends to be a little more conservative than me anyway, we went through a stage where we would get into really intense arguments over political topics all the time. Its not really that way now, and I'll explain why... So my advice is to keep in mind that while political beliefs and passions are part of a person's identity, we are more than just those ideologies and we are always changing. No person is static and exactly the same all throughout their life. My husband and I don't fight over politics as much because we've both changed a lot over the years and more often than not we meet somewhere in the middle. I think over time you figure out ways you can share your passions. Also, I don't think that just because a person is more conservative necessarily means they are unwilling/unable to be passionate about social justice. For example, my husband doesn't really express his concern for justice in super political terms, but he's all about building community, serving others, and impacting the lives of people he comes in contact with. Somehow we've found common ground, and you may be surprised one day to discover that you have more in common (politically/socially) with your fiance than you know or once did. You said it really well when you said that each person is a mystery with more to discover. That's something about marriage I've really learned in the past 2 years...my husband is not the same person he was when he was 20 and I was 17, as we are constantly growing and changing. I always have to stop myself when I resort to: "Well, you USED to be this way, you USED to do this or that." I think the biggest trick is to really work on growing TOGETHER as you continue to change!Oh, and one more thing...expect the first year of marriage to be very challenging at times. I think a lot of people expect it to be the "honeymoon phase," but so many family members and friends told me it was one of the hardest years, and we definitely had our share of challenges. I think a lot of couples get really disillusioned because they expect year one to be super easy and fun, and it isn't always. Ok, THE END of my essay on marriage! I hope this season in your life is truly blessed! If you're interested in an awesome book that really helped me reflect deeply on relationships, I'd check out Mike Mason's "The Mystery of Marriage." It is a beautiful description of marriage, IMHO.
posted 10/14/2009 at 12:52 PM